Chapter 3.27

Today, sadness rips through the Rex family home as the little hamster, Hammy, has departed…life that is.

Ember is beside herself in tears.

(Zolnax! Why are you so happy? Your children are grieving over their dead pet! 😡)

“I know, Creator…isn’t it grand?”

(That your kids are crying???)

“No, that the stinky, biting, good for nothing rat is dead.”

(UGH!😡😡😡)

*****

June lifts her massive plate of lobster thermidore and says, “It is of great consequence that we now may consume large arthropods for dinner, my favorite human husband. How is this happening?”

Swallowing down the luscious buttery meat, Zolnax answers, “Well, with my humanoid politician army, I’ve now got control over Windenburg, Newcrest, Willow Creek, Oasis Springs, Brindleton Bay, Del Sol Valley, Evergreen Harbor and Britechester. I only have eight more cities to go and I’ll have the whole world in my hands, sweetheart. Being THE world dictator is very lucrative, you know.”

The butler claps.

(I guess she wants a raise. 🙄)

(***shaking my head*** I can’t believe you’re on your way to becoming an evil overlord. EEK! 😱 I’ll tell you what, Zolnax, money and power aren’t everything. 😐)

After Zolnax tucks all of his children in bed, I find him sulking.

(What’s wrong, Zolnax? Earlier, you said you’re half way to taking over the world. Aren’t you pleased with your progress?)

Zolnax shrugs. “I don’t know, Creator. Maybe you’re right. Money and power aren’t everything. I’ve just realized I have all these wonderful children and I don’t even know them. And now, I’ve got to run off to my World Order meeting.” He sighs. “It’s just not as enjoyable anymore. It’s more like…”

(Work? 😏)

He nods as his shoulders droop.

Just then I get this ping:

(Well, you wanted all of this. I’m not stopping you from quitting. You’re careening to your middle years, Zolnax. You could get your life back and make different choices.)

But he only shrugs and changes clothes for his meeting.

As the minions gather, I notice there’s a new member of the group.

June’s father, Maxim, grins up and announces, “The ominous orbiting space station is complete, my female offspring’s human husband. The death ray alone will destroy cities at your command.”

(Ahhhh!!!! Zolnax, get control of your alien father-in-law lackey or there’ll be no world left for you to take over! 😵)

Medusa laughs. “Heh, heh…hey, Maxim, can I push the button on Granite Falls? It’s too green for my tastes.”

(Of course you’d want to annihilate a beautiful place, Medusa. 🙄🙄🙄 This is getting ridiculous.)

I march over to Zolnax who’s making celebratory drinks for everyone.

(You’re not seriously going to destroy cities, are you, Zolnax? I won’t allow it! 😡😡😡 I have the power with a flick of a finger to DEFUND you in the blink of an eye.)

He swishes a martini and grins. “Calm down, Creator, would I do such a dastardly thing?”

(***glares*** Yes.)

“Have you ever heard of a blind threat? Intimidation is the key to all powerful dictators. Now…if you don’t mind, we’re celebrating my rise in power.”

(Oh…well…don’t mind me…I’m only the one WHO CONTROLS YOU. I think you’d better kiss up to the woman upstairs, if you know what I mean.)

But he dismisses me and finishes making drinks.

Just then Medusa walks up and does the club’s secret handshake.

She sings, “Who’s the one in power?”

Zolnax raises his arm and flaps his hand. “I am. I am!”

(Oh brother. 😐)

And what does this evil dictator serve at his victory party?

Grilled hamburgers that look small and dry.

Medusa isn’t impressed. 😆

“You would think our fearless leader would allow me to drink from his mother at least,” Vlad complains.

Medusa chokes on her hamburger.

(That alone makes this party worth it! 😜)

*****

As the months progress, it’s birthday time for little Messiah!

(Of course no one has bathed or changed his diapers. Ew…he stinks so bad. ***waves hand over nose***)

Sparkles fly and he turns into a cute kid!

(Quickly, I look at his traits with a hopeful prayer. Oh no! ***slams head on desk***)

(What the heck? Does the computer HATE me??? 😭😭😭)

Delighted, Zolnax scoops up Messiah and says, “You’re going to take after your dear old dad, aren’t you, my evil chip off the old block.”

(Hoo boy…😑)

Messiah answers, “Naw, Dad…I just want the fame but you can have the power. I’m gonna be a professional football player. Total babe magnet.”

(***dies inside*** 😭😭😭)

As Messy goes upstairs to look at himself in the mirror, June wretches. “Negative, my female offspring. My phalanges will not come in contact with your defecation filled briefs. Blecch!”

(Dear, Lord, June, she’s YOUR child. ***smh*** The poor girl’s got dirty diapers. Ever heard of diaper rash?)

*****

On cloud nine at having a third awful child (of course that’s MY opinion not Zolnax’s) he meets up with Jax and asks, “So, son, what do you have to report from school?”

Grinning, Jax explains, “Well, I managed to steal my class’ hamster so Ember won’t be so sad all the time. And I even stole all the food, too.”

With that, he skips up the stairs to do his homework.

(Why are you smiling? Jax stole for a good deed. He’s like a miniature Robin Hood minus the green tights and goofy hat. Doesn’t that make you upset?)

Zolnax chuffs and shakes his head. “Silly Creator…his nefarious actions are even more despicable than I could have ever hoped for. Can you imagine all the tears on those infuriatingly cherubic faces of his classmates at losing their beloved pet? Oh, my unsuspecting cloudy godhead, you are quite mistaken. He’s BRILLIANT!”

(Why me? 😩😩😩)