The wonderful smell of sausages wafts through the air as the butler makes breakfast for this growing family.
But I find Zolnax in a foul mood.
(What’s wrong, Zollie?)
Marching through the house, Zolnax looks around. “Jax is in BIG trouble. Where is that kid?”
(What’s he in trouble for?)
Then I see this notification.
(Ha ha! Maybe that’ll teach him that crime doesn’t pay! 😈)
Zolnax knits his eyebrows at me. “I’m not upset about the stealing just that he got caught!”
(Of course that’s why you’re mad at him. 😐)
And wonders of wonders…June is actually FEEDING one of the children.
“Here is the square wheat object that has been injected with female tree ovum paste,” June says in her warbly voice.
Messiah winces. “Yuck.”
(When she puts it that way, Messy, I don’t blame you. Sounds disgusting. 🤢)
Aww…look at the family. Ember and Zion have aged up to toddlers.
WARNING! Three toddlers in the house! 👀
Searching for Zolnax, I see him trudging home.
(Why are you so tired, Zolnax?)
“Do you even have to ask? I work all day fighting with a horrible, tyrant boss. Then when I get home, I have to change dirty diapers, feed all three toddlers, bathe them, put them to bed, then I have to help my sons with their homework AND make my wife happy. I don’t even have time for my World Order club. This sucks hairy balls, Creator.”
(Welcome to adult life, Zolnax. But this might make you happy. June IS helping out a bit now.)
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
(Oooooh, trouble in alien paradise? 😲)
At home, June IS helping out with a huge smile on her face.
Zion is throwing a fit but this doesn’t seem to faze this alien mother.
(Hearts made of steel and ice! 👽)
“Where’s my goldfish, Mommy?” Zion asks.
“It was floating upside down and had to be cast in one of the toilets, my tiniest male offspring. Do not worry about it as its beating heart is no longer beating.”
Zion scratches his head. “Huh?”
When June puts Zion down, Ember asks, “What’s wrong, brother?”
“I want to find my goldfish. Mommy says he’s in a toilet.”
Grabbing Zion in a hug, Ember says, “I’ll find him for you, Zigh!”
(Awww…what are twin sisters for? But eek! I hope she doesn’t find a fish carcass. That might scar the poor girl! 😰)
As the sun sets, Zolnax is finishing up his chores since June actually helped him a bit.
“It’s time for bed, Zion,” Zolnax coos.
Messiah has already failed on his bed.
(🙄 They’ll never keep up at this rate.)
(Zolnax, you still have a lot of work to do and your meter is beet red.)
“Don’t worry, Creator, I’m way ahead of you. I’m taking this no sleep potion. I’ve got it covered. In fact, we don’t need a nanny anymore.”
(Huh? Don’t get rid of the nanny. If you do, Child Services might take your tots away!)
He shakes his head. “You’re such a worrier. Leave everything to me.”
Finding the nanny, Zolnax says, “You’ve done a great job but we seriously don’t need you anymore so I’m giving you your notice. You’re fired.”
Shocked, the nanny stammers, “B-But you have three toddlers and two out of control children…” His upper lip tries to stifle a smile. “Are you serious? I won’t have to deal with those monsters…I mean those children again?”
“No…you’ve been replaced with bots. Sorry, old chap. I hope you won’t hold this against us.”
But before Zolnax could get out the last sentence, the nanny yells, “Hallelujah!”, kicks his heels, and races out the door.
(That means only one things, Zolnax. Your kids are freaks. 😜)
Jax has had a hard day at school. Zolnax lectured him on the fine art of theivery and punished him for not doing it correctly so he’s hiding away in the bathroom.
Ember walks in on him, searching for the missing goldfish. “Is a fishy in there, Jax?” she asks.
“Get out of here, Em!” Jax yells. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”
Ember quickly turns around but there’s a sneaky smile on her face at bothering her brother.
(***Smacks head*** Does this mean she’s going to inherit an evil trait? NOOOOO!!! 😭)
Downstairs, June’s usual even keel demeanor has changed.
(I guess actually doing her motherly duties is affecting her!)
“Great Gassy Goblins of Gandora! Where is my most hated, lazy husband whom I can never find?
“With my female offspring swishing in all the contaminated toilets looking for the fish cadaver…
“And all my offspring emitting foul smelling green gas…
“I’m ready to dangle into the mouth of the dreaded Vornak of Dundergond and be digested for 1000 centuries.”
(Dramatic much? 👀)
(Zolnax, come quick. June is calling you her hated, lazy husband AND she’s about to commit hari kiri if you don’t do something to make her happy.)
Grinning, Zolnax says, “I’d love to make her happy. I haven’t felt this invigorated since I asked her to be my lovely bride.”
(Wow. That potion must have more in it than I thought! 😏)
Taking June by the hand, Zolnax is about to whisper something dirty when little Ember walks up.
In an irritated voice, Junes asks, “What is it, my female offspring? Why are you not in your sleeping pod?”
Ember whines, “I want a drink of water.”
Whispering in her ear, Zolnax says, “Why don’t I get her a drink and I’ll meet you in the hot tub where we can get…cozy.”
(That’s a good way to soothe her nerves. Great job, Zollie!)
As steam rises around them, Zolnax strokes June’s head softly. “Thank you for being an amazing mom. I know it’s been hard with all these kids but I’m so glad to be doing life with you, sweetheart.”
“You have melted my cold hearts, my favorite human husband. Let us copulate.”
(Omg…she’s so…June. 🤦♀️)
But it didn’t take much for Zolnax because….yeah…the hot tub will never be the same. 😏