Chapter 3.22

While Zolnax is at Sixam getting “implanted”, the poor kids are left with a mother who doesn’t take care of them. So I “force” them to hire a nanny.

Spying a guy sitting next to her, June looks up from her knitting. “You are a new human. What is it you require? We do not allow solicitations at this address and my human husband is currently taking over the world. Therefore, I’d advise you to depart from the premises before he arrives or you will find yourself disintegrated for your intrusion.”

He lifts his eyebrows. “But I was hired to watch your two children.”

“In that case, carry on.”

(Huh boy. 🙄)

The nanny starts with the worst offender–in odor and behavior.

Knox looks like he’s about to do something naughty. Again.

Of course he doesn’t want to mind. Does this surprise anyone???

And since the nanny only has two hands, that leaves Jax to fend for himself.

He plops his smelly self on the couch and stares at his mother who’s SUPPOSED to help him to the bathtub.

Still knitting, she asks, “What do you wish, my male offspring? Can you not see with your round orbs that I am quite absorbed? The male human who is not your male progenitor will guide you in time.”

(In time? The poor kid has pooped himself, his stomach is barren, and he hasn’t slept in a good while. YEESH! Am I going to have to call Zolnax home yet again? UGH! ***pulls hair out AND hits head on desk***)

(***crosses arms*** Zolnax! You need to get to your house quick before Child Services takes away both your boys!)

“Oh, Creator, Child Services would never take my children. Don’t you know I’d hack into their website and take all their money if they did that?”

(***glares*** Child Services is a government organization. You’d have to steal from them. I doubt you could.)

Zolnax smiles evilly. “You don’t know me very well do you?”

(Ugh! 😒)

Thankfully, Zolnax finds Jax just in time and gives him a bath.

But he’s so exhausted, that’s all he can manage in one night before he collapses in bed.

So poor Jax fails on his bed with two stinky toilets beside him.

(This family isn’t working very well on their own! 😭)

*****

The following morning, Zolnax grabs a plate of food.

(Zolnax, we need to talk. At this rate, you’re going to lose the kids you have!)

“I’ve got that under control, Creator. June assured me she’d start taking her motherly duties seriously.”

(Really? Hmm…I’m amazed she listened to you!)

Sure enough, I find June actually putting Knox in a high chair to feed him!

(😳 WOW!)

June says in her electronic voice, “It is a disgusting substance, my male offspring, but your male progenitor insists I give it to you.”

Knox looks at the yogurt then turns up his nose. “Yuck.”

*****

While Zolnax’s family is suffering at the hands of an alien mother, Zollie goes to his World Order meeting.

“I’d like an update from each of you as to the status of your abominable schemes.” Turning, he asks, “Let’s start with you, London?”

London answers, “The ‘Getting Juiced’ population scheme is definitely underway. I’ve calculated an 89% drunken rate so that nothing is being done and we can infiltrate all the banks as well as departments stores within the week.”

“Good!’ Zolnax exclaims. Nodding toward L. Faba, he asks, “And what about the politicians? Have they been successfully bribed?”

L. Faba winces. “All but the mayor, boss. He’s a hard nut to crack. In fact, he’s an ecological freak who eats nothing but berries, honey, and farms his own crickets. I think that’s a dead end.”

Zolnax’s eyebrows knit. “For heaven’s sake, do I have to think of everything? Hijack the man’s family members and hold them ransom. That’ll change his mind.”

L. Faba stands at attention and says, “Yes, sir!”

(Ugh…Honestly, Zolnax, you really don’t have to take this taking over the world thing seriously. Why not kill the guy with kindness instead? Gift him his own bombardier beetle collection as well as grub hotel. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it and want to be your friend. (Oh who am I kidding? 😩))

Zolnax charges up the steps to his robot station. “I’m way ahead of you, Creator. I’m going to make my own politician who’ll take care of our little problem and replace him as mayor. Don’t worry your cloudy head about it.”

(Now I’m even MORE worried! Ack! Zollie, I won’t let you kill anyone. Is that clear?)

Zolnax’s eyes bug out. “Kill? Who said anything about killing? I’m just going to make an android who will beat the mayor in an election. Geesh, Creator. Your mind tends to violence more than I’m comfortable with.”

(***Slaps face***)

Lurching his head back, Zolnax frowns. “And what, for Vladmir Putin’s sake, is this rugrat doing here?”

(It’s a community lot, Zolnax. You couldn’t afford it yourself so it belongs to the town. Sorry. She has every right to be there, too.)

Shaking his head, he says, “Figures. I’m doing great, world altering work and I’m inundated with sticky fingers and goo stains. I’m the ultimate supervillain and I don’t even get my own lair. Insufferable!”

(Hey, you’re lucky I let you have something like this in the world as it is. You have to EARN the money to BUY your own lair. Sorry, but you just don’t have the funds. And speaking of sticky fingers and goo stains, your own rugrats need your attention because your wife is failing at motherhood to the nth degree. 🙄)

Zolnax sighs. “Again?”

(Yes! Now go home!)

When Zolnax arrives, he finds the boys stinky and hungry. He gives Jax some chicken nuggets and says, “Honey? Why do the children smell like the bottom of a garbage truck? Can’t you wipe their butts at least once a day?”

Shuddering, June answers, “This male offspring smells worse than a dunglebort from Zelspar. It is forbidden to go near anything this repugnant.”

(June. That’s your CHILD you’re talking about! HELP HIM! But she can’t hear me. 😭)

Jax sticks out his bottom lip. “I need a bath. Please, Mommy?”

(***slaps hands over eyes*** This is hard to watch.)

“Your male progenitor will disinfect your fetid flesh. Be patient, Jax.”

When I turn around, I find June actually bathing Knox!

“But what about me, Mommy?” poor Jax asks.

(Yeah, June. Do you like Knox more? He’s the bratty one in the family. Maybe he demanded better–kind of taking after his father. 😵)

Finally, June does her duty and washes Jax. I’ll have to admit, I’m taking a shine to this one. He’s such a cutie!

Even though the dirt pile up in the bath tub is disgusting. 🤢

And where did Zolnax go?

Of course. He’s failed downstairs. He really needs to quit his job. 😑