Only three girls left in the bachelor mansion: Jena, June, and Tonya.
I’ve launched the black and white party–it’s time for these ladies to meet Zolnax’s family!
(Er…this might backfire once they find out WHO he comes from… thank GOD Medusa is working. 💆)
Zolnax tries to prepare June. “Now, sweetheart, if my dad says something weird, he doesn’t mean anything by it. Just ignore him.”
June answers, “It is your desire that I evade your male progenitor?”
Zolnax arches an eyebrow. “That’s…about right.”
(Good advice, Zollie! 😝)
Just then, Zolnax’s sister waltzes in. “She might evade our dad but she can’t slip by me, Creator.”
(Eeps! I forgot about Bealzibix! 😱)
June trills, “What a delightful, charismatic female relation, Zolnax. My hearts cannot wait to assimilate with her in future familial bonding.”
(Oh…I think you’ll want to hold that thought, June! 😵)
“Aww…Zolnax, you’ve got such a cutie-pie sister!” Tonya says.
(Attention, EVERYONE! I’ll just say this once. Bealzibix is NOT CUTE! I repeat! Bealzie is about as cute as a tarantula eating its own kin!)
But no one can hear me!
Bealzie plops down in front of June and stares without blinking for five minutes.
June gulps. “Whatever is it you desire, my favorite human admirer’s female sibling?”
Bealzie waves her off and turns to her brother. “Aw, come on, Zolnax. You can do better than this. She’s got blue skin and talks like a robot. Surely you’ve got someone else you want to knock up.”
(BEALZIE! If only I could, I’d lock you in a dungeon until you peed yourself silly, you little brat!)
Instantly June’s bottom lip quivers. “That is grievously accurate. I do not blend well in human culture and am an inferior option in comparison to the other female humans.”
(That’s not true, June! You’re so beautiful! Don’t worry about what that demon child says. UGH!)
Jena snickers. “So much for getting on the family’s good side, June. Now it’s MY turn. I know how to handle the sister.”
(I bet you do, Jena. Since you’re made out of the same stuff. 🤦♀️)
When it’s Jena’s turn to talk to Hunter and Bealzie, Hunter says, “I told you none of these girls would fit into our family, Bealz. They’re too…GOOD.”
Bealzibix waves her arms. “I know, right?”
(Um…guys? One of them is sitting right next to you!)
Jena joins in, “I’m not that good…one of my favorite things to do is punch out the stuffed animals in children’s rooms just like Zollie does.”
Bealzie moans, covering her eyes. “Make it stop, Daddy! Make it shut its mouth!”
“Um…Jena..is it?…we don’t mention that in front of Bealzie. She has PTSD from Zolnax sneaking into her bedroom every night and flogging Skelly Bear.”
Next, it’s Tonya’s turn.
Hunter arches his eyebrow. “S-Soo…does your mother ever…t-talk about me?”
Bealzie walks into the room. “You’re kind of like my sister since we share a brother, huh? And you and my bro are gonna do the nasty? I approve. Incest is so…wicked…”
Tonya’s eyes widen. “Eheheheh…I never thought about it like that…”
After the family interviews are over (Thank GOD!), Hunter walks over and whispers at me, “Creator…I know I can’t hear you and all, but you made a promise to me about allowing me to…um…roam a bit? When will that happen exactly?”
(Oh for pete’s sake, I thought you’d forgotten about that. Geeze. Okay fine. Right after the bachelor challenge is over. I’ll have Zollie let you know. 🙄)
But he can’t hear me, so…🤷♀️
And speaking of roaming to get away from the dark goddess herself…
she pops up on the lawn.
“For Creator’s sake, are these what are passing off as good breeding stock these days?”
(YOU came from a wishing well, so what would you know, Medusa??? 🙄 Looks like everyone is too tired to speak to her though. The party is officially OVER!)
It was close, but June won by one point!
Here’s the stats:
Hunter liked June the best: June–17, Jena and Tonya–15
Bealzie also liked June best: June–18, Tonya–17, Jena–16 (guess that punching out stuffed animals backfired on Jena!)
So, June wins the first solo date. (Everyone gets a solo date though at this stage.)
Zolnax prepares to take out June but she’s in a melancholy mood.
(Poor June! 🙁 Zolnax’s flirting really bothered her!)
Zolnax asks, “Sweetheart, are you ready for our date tonight?”
She winces and says in her warbly voice, “If you still desire to mingle with my inferior company, my favorite human admirer. I will understand if you decide to associate with the others instead.”
Grasping her hands, Zolnax says, “You’re the only one I want to be with at the moment. You look prettier every time I see you.”
“I will receive that with much gratitude, my favorite human admirer.”
(You need to shower her with rose petals and adoration, Zollie, or she might be gone soon! 👀)
In the other room, a cat fight is brewing.
“Did you see the look on June’s face when I flirted with Zollie?” Jena asks as Tonya passes through. “It was priceless.”
Suddenly, Tonya pounces on Jena. “You little skank. This is what I think!” She slaps Jena and pulls her hair.
(Uh oh…I never thought it’d come to this! 👀)
“Whew! Look at ’em go!” the butler stops sleeping so he can watch.
(What a jerk. 😠 The guy is so worthless, I’ve had to put my own guy in to take up his slack and NOW he shows up just so he can watch a fight. Unbelievable. If only the other butler hadn’t died. 😭)
“And I better not see you flirt with Zollie in front of June again or you’ll get worse!”
(Way to go, Tonya! That’ll teach Jena! But…maybe it won’t. Who knows? 🤷♀️)
June hears about what happened (I guess the butler has loose lips!) and runs into Tonya’s arms. “Thank you, my favorite female ally.”
“Of course, June. We can’t let a bully win.”
But something tells me Jena will seek revenge somehow. 👀
June and Zolnax arrive in San Myshuno at a love lounge.
(Too bad these aren’t overnight dates. This would be perfect!)
They get cozy on one of the couches.
“Zolnax, why do you wish to accompany me still? I am not human. My skin is strange compared to yours and I do not wish to bear your children. Why not end our time together so I can live out the rest of my years in anguish, forever bemoaning my shortcomings?”
“Sweetheart, you’re a very special person. I love the way you talk, the way you look, and I believe with you by my side, taking over the world would be an easy thing. So stop talking nonsense and let’s enjoy our time together.”
(Smooth. 😐 Zollie, we need to work on your flirting skills. Ugh. 😫)
After these two slurped down a few too many drinks, they stumble out on the dance floor. June is so drunk she has a hard time winking. “Tell me you will annihilate all the females who love you after this challenge is terminated.”
Zolnax nods. “Anything for you, bu-blue buh-babycakes.”
(Um…you two are stupid drunk so I’m not even going to say anything. 🙄)