Chapter 3.12

The following day, Jena is up to something.

(Omg…Zolnax. You need to do something about Jena. She’s stealing from the bachelor mansion! 😡)

“She is? Don’t worry, Creator. I’ll handle this.”

When he sees Jena, he envelops her in his arms. “Oh, my snugglebunny, I’m so PROUD of you! And you didn’t even draw any suspicion. A mark of a true evil genius.”

(Ugh…that’s not what I meant. 😤)

But she’s not the only one he has eyes for.

“I look forward to our private encounter this eventide, my favorite human admirer.” June winks.

Zolnax sighs. “Isn’t she a vision, Creator?”

(I’m starting to warm to her. A horny alien is eons better than a psychotic, jealous over-obsessed girlfriend. Oh…I hope I don’t eat my words! 😬)

Zolnax sits on the couch with London. “So you see, I want to invite you to my costume party! The best dancer at the party will win a date with me. I hope you do well.”

London beams. “I’m great at dancing. I’m sure to win!”

As the sun sets in the evening, Zolnax gives me a smirk. “You know what time it is, Creator?”

(No…what?)

“Party time!”

(Bahahahaaaa! I couldn’t have picked out a better costume for you, Zollie! 😝)

Darting around the bachelor mansion, I find June is dressed as a commander of a space ship.

(Um…why does this give me the chills like June and her kind are infiltrating our world? 😱)

Tonya chooses to match Zolnax.

(Daw…that’s kind of sweet! 😍)

And Jena is grumbling over a plate of hors d’oeuvres. “Why do I have to dress as a pig-kissing, rear-end-scratching, rump-sniffing COP?”

(***Smacks head on desk***)

“I think you look beautiful, Jena,” Zolnax offers.

“We could play cops and robbers later. Alone.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

She’s NOT amused.

(Huh boy. 🤦‍♀️)

Now it’s time for the dance competition! The best one wins a date with Zolnax. June snapped up the first date since she had the best relationship after the initial party meal was over. (Everyone was about the same before it’d started).

And Tonya loses no time in showing off.

London’s eyes bug out. “Oh my GOD! You’re an amazing dancer, Tonya!”

But London tries her best anyway, whizzing the little light twirly thingies.

But it wasn’t enough and Tonya wins.

Now it’s Jena’s turn, challenging Tonya.

Tonya wastes no time and jumps, doing a backflip.

(WOWZA!!! 👀)

She does a happy dance when it’s announced she’s the winner.

“In yo FACE, Jena!”

“You mean….I….LOST?”

Tonya jerks her head to the side and gloats. “Buh-bye, beesh.”

A sharp pain rips through Jena’s back.

“Ugh! I think I pulled a muscle.”

(I don’t see how. All she did was shake her hips a little bit. A dancer she’s not. 😜)

*****

And now it’s time for the first solo date! 🙂

“Are you ready for the best time of your life, June?” Zolnax asks.

June giggles in her warbly voice then says, “I would not miss it for all the snarfs on planet Xorxacs, my favorite human admirer!”

Zolnax picks out a place that might make June feel at home.

The inside is just as unearthly amazing as the outside.

(I wonder if June is going to pounce on Zolnax right there! Everything seems to make her horny! 😜)

“Sweetheart, I was wondering how many children you’d like to give birth to. I mean, your body is so perfect.” He raises his finger. “So, I won’t make you have more than three evil geniuses, if you’re the one I choose.”

June’s head pulls back as she grimaces. “Pulsating Pixelating Pygmas! Your cerebellum functions must be erroneous.”

“What are you saying, sweetheart?” Zolnax says.

She lifts her upper lip like she’s smelled Zollie’s stinky feet. “It is beneath a female progenitor to become impregnated. That is a male’s obligation.”

(Oh MY! 👀👀👀👀)

“Please tell me this is a dream, Creator,” Zolnax says to me in his head.

(Well…being pregnant isn’t so bad, Zol. Maybe you should think long and hard about it. (Pun intended.😈)

“You’re not helping,” he whimpers.

(Well, try not to think about it and have fun for the rest of the night.)

So, he takes my advice and they play video games.

But Zolnax wins every time!

(Uh…Zollie, the woman is mad at you. Can’t you let her win once?)

“And hurt my male pride? NEVER!”

(***slaps face***)

After the last beat down, June storms away.

“I’m sorry I won the video games, dear,” Zolnax says in his sorry-not-sorry way.

“May the flames of Funoria engulf you until your protoplasm disentigrates in vapor, my most loathed human admirer.”

(Um…I think you better take her home, Zol. She’s not happy! 😧)

“Worst. Date. Ever.” Zolnax slumps all the way home.

(Aww…I’m so sorry, Zollie! I know how much she means to you. I wonder why she was so testy. 😕)

As the sun starts to rise, I notice something pink in the backyard.

It’s JUNE!

And she’s FAILED!

Off to bed she goes. The rose ceremony is only a day away. And I usually make sure everyone sleeps right before it.

After she’s rested, June takes some cake from the costume party.

She smiles and says in her warbly voice, “Ah…my most favorite human admirer. Is your protoplasm in exemplary status this prime meridian?”

“You’re…speaking to me?”

(Duh, meat brains! She was obviously sleep deprived last night. Go for it! 🙄)

Rising up in his most irritating way, he flexes his muscles and says, “I’ve never been fitter. See this bastion of beefy brawn?”

June croons, “OOoooOOoo! My nanonads titillate. You will certainly do as my ovium receptacle.”

“Ha ha! I thought so.”

(Hey, Zol. Hate to tell you but she means you’re going to carry her babies if she’s the one. 😳)