“Ah, Creator! It’s my kind of time,” Zolnax says, surveying the park in the middle of downtown San Myshuno.
(What time is that?)
“Party time. Now, all I’ve got to do is tap this keg and voila! I’ll get to mingle with all my girlfriends.”
(ALL your girlfriends? They’re not your girlfriends yet. You only get to choose one.)
“Yes, but I get to sample the cookies first.”
Juice sprays all over Zolnax.
(Hee hee! Serves you right. Women AREN’T cookies. Treat them with respect or ELSE! 😡)
“Okay, okay, Creator! Make it STOP!”
After he successfully taps the keg, Zolnax fills cups for each lady.
Then he rushes to the bathroom.
(Better go easy on that. We don’t want you drunk before you can even mingle!)
“You worry too much, Creator. I’m fine.”
After he goes to the bathroom, Zolnax finds the snack table and downs it as fast as possible.
Jada glares. “You are NOT inhaling your food again, are you?”
(Jada, haven’t you seen a human garbage disposal?)
Next, Ariana enjoys the music, boogying like she doesn’t have a care in the world.
But then she spies her rival and yells, “Well, if it isn’t THE princess. Pretty dirty trick in making me look bad about the name situation.”
(Uhhh…is there a REAL catfight about to happen??? 👀)
I find Zolnax to warn him when I see Jena cornering him in the bathroom!
“Let’s get one thing straight,” she says, emboldened by the few drinks she’s had, “I don’t like to share.”
(OMG, Zolnax! Jena sure is a handful!)
“Creator,” Zolnax says in his head, “I’ll handle this.”
(Fine…I’ll be quiet. ***covers eyes***)
Zolnax lifts the side of his mouth and coos, “Darling, there’s no one else in the room, is there?”
(Ooookay…I think I’ll leave the bathroom then…three’s a crowd after all.)
And I discover everyone in a snit.
Ariana glares. “I would have allowed him to call ME Princess if I knew your name was too close to mine, but no. You didn’t warn me about that at all and I made a first class ass of myself.”
“Warn you?” Princess retorts, arching an eyebrow. “How could I warn someone who would stoop so low as to yell at MY boyfriend about calling you by your real name?”
I would love to hear Ariana’s response but another catfight is launching, diverting my attention.
“How DARE you take Ariana’s side when you know Princess has done nothing wrong?” Tonya yells at Annabeth, fists clenching.
Annabeth winces. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…I’m friends with both Ariana and Princess and…well, Ariana scares me.”
“Some friend. Now Princess is sobbing. If you’ll excuse me, my shoulder is needed for her to cry on.”
And she storms over to her friend.
(Zolnax! Are you just going to sit there and not do anything? Your party is turning into a riot!)
“I can see that, Creator, but I’m in a tight spot. If I take sides, someone might leave. I’d like to be neutral, if you please.”
(Well, I don’t please. Why don’t you distract them somehow? All this fighting is just going to escalate!)
“Right. I think I know what to do.”
Zolnax strolls over to the angry mob and lifts his glass. “It’s time for a toast, don’t you think?”
This halts all the yelling and the women look longingly at their handsome man.
“To all my beautiful ladies. May we get to know one another better and celebrate what we all have in common. That is…the love of…ME!”
(Well, that’s one way to put it. 🙄)
Zolnax pulls a huge swallow on his drink as everyone cheers and applauds.
(Now I’m worried about the emptiness of these girls’ heads. 😬)
Zolnax says, “That went well, Creator, if I do say so myself.”
(Yup. Pat yourself on the back, Zollie. At least the girls have stopped fighting even though your ego is through the roof right now.)
A day has passed and it’s time for speed dating where Zolnax takes each girl out for two hours. Some get one on ones and some get group dates, depending on the outcome of their relationships from the party.
First up is Annabeth.
“I hope you like this bar on the Brindleton Bay wharf, Annabeth,” Zolnax says.
“I’m down for anything,” she answers.
The two share a few awkward silence moments when Zollie breaks the ice, “So, what’s your stance on me taking over the world?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Are you good with it or just meh?”
(Way to put yourself out there, Zollie. Now she’s definitely going to run for the hills! 🤦♀️)
Annabeth’s eyes turn to slits. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“Sure, sure…kidding. Just testing you, dear.” Zolnax reaches for another drink.
(Good recovery, Zol. I’d be mad at you for lying but…you are who you are! 🤷♀️)
Next, it’s over-obsessed girlfriend, I mean, Jena’s turn. They both jet over to a beautiful tiki bar.
Without heeding my warnings, Zolnax asks the same question, “You wouldn’t mind taking over the world with me? You know, fighting superheroes, redistributing wealth (into my pocket), forcing my opinions on everyone…”
Without skipping a beat, Jena says, “Baby, if it’s a world with you in it, I’m there!”
(Oh…Jena is a sly one!)
Zollie grins evilly and the two find a video game to brush up on their mass destruction capabilities.
(Eek! Should I be worried if Jena becomes the one? 😱)
After a few hours of playing, Jena whines, “Darling, you failed to annihilate the entire population with your Deliverer of Doom Destroyer!”
Zolnax scrunches his face in shame. “Drat!”
Now it’s our favorite alien, June’s, time with the bachelor.
“What would you say if I became the world’s biggest superpower?”
(Ugh…if I have to hear this on every date, I think I’ll shoot myself. 😵)
June glows a beautiful cerulean and answers in her warbly voice, “Why cessate at this sphere, my most favorite human admirer?”
She drops onto the ground and points “Behold! That pulsating indigo globe is my former birth settlement. The universe is at your beck and call, my precious intimate companion.”
Zolnax thinks to himself, “Hmm…she’s right. Why stop at earth?”
(***Hits head on desk***)