Chapter 2.15

Hallelujah, saints be praised! A new child is born and maybe I’ll be able to choose a decent torch holder.

(Sayanara, Zolnax! 👺)

Welcome, Bealzabix!

(Strange name, but what would I expect Hunter and Medusa to name their kid?)

Skelly seems pleased.

(Uh oh. Should I be worried? 🤔)

Hunter takes a look at his new baby daughter.

“Aww…you have the face of a darling demon. Who wouldn’t love you? Koochy-koochy-koo!”

(You mean the face of an angel, right, Hunter?)

“No, this one’s a demon. Just like her mama. Isn’t that right, Bealzies?”

(I’ll take that as wishful thinking.)

After Hunter calls the nanny (because Medusa is always working), Hunter makes his way to a new town, Evergreen Harbor. Unfortunately, the place is anything but green and Hunter starts hacking up phlem balls immediately.

Hunter breathes, “You’d think you’d be able to come up with a better town, Creator! This place is awful!”

(As I’ve told you before, Hunter, I didn’t create this godforsaken place. I only created your dad. I won’t be blamed for any of this world’s weird happenings or strange glitches. You wanted to come here. I didn’t advise it. It’s very…small.)

Hunter shrugs then wanders into the only tavern in the town. It’s REALLY hideously decorated. But he doesn’t care. He starts chatting up some women.

(How original, Hunter.)

Unfortunately for Miko, she realizes she’s yesterday’s leftovers. He probably doesn’t even remember her name NOR the kid she had because of his indecent behavior.

(Sorry, Miko, that’s what happens when you chase after a guy for his money. 🤷‍♀️)

Aaaand kiss number four is out of the way.

The woman doesn’t know what hit her but just like that, he’s back home. Medusa kicked him out of the bed. Heh.

He only takes a nap then forces Zolnax to do his homework.

(Yay! You’re actually doing parental things, Hunter. Great job!)

“And furthermore, if I get a phone call while I’m trying to seduce a woman again, your ass is grass, young man!”

(***Slaps face*** 🙄)

Zolnax closes his homework and says, “I bet all the women in town chase you, Dad. Am I right?”

Never one to pass up a moment to talk about himself, he answers, “Why…er…yes, son, they do. How can anyone deny this hunk of flab.”

Zolnax arches an eyebrow. “How indeed?”

And just like that, Zolnax changes the subject and he’s off the hook.

(Oh…this is a sly one. He’s NOT dim. No sir. And that scares me the most!!! Oh, Bealzabix is definitely going to be our torch holder! Look at his sinister face!)

Talk about a face. Medusa is livid. NO ONE is taking care of Bealzabix. “That good for nothing husband of mine is going to get a piece of my mind!”

“Hunter the Insignificant!” she roars. “Where are YOU?”

Quickly, Hunter does his dadly duties while Zolnax can’t resist another kick to Skelly bear’s gut.

(Ha ha. She told you, Hunter. I don’t know why but I like Medusa more and more as time goes on.)

But time IS trotting on and Hunter is really tired of having to feed Bealzabix so he ages her up.

“There now,” Hunter says. “No more bottles for you, my sweet death flower.”

Bealzie pushes him away.

“You stink!” she yells.

“Hey…is that any way to talk to your father?”

(Bahahahaaaa! I ADORE her! 😂)

After he puts Bealzie to bed, Hunter faces Medusa. “I don’t think our daughter likes me, my adoration. And…do I stink?”

Medusa snarls, “Of course she doesn’t like you. You’re a lazy, obese, good for nothing slob who doesn’t work and only leaves the house to curry woo hoo from other women. Why would ANYONE like you?”

(She has a point, Hunter.)

“And by the way,” she adds, “you’re NOT sleeping with me.”

But it doesn’t matter what Medusa wishes. Hunter is so tired, he yawns and…

FAIL!