Chapter 2.6

Hazy swirls envelop Hunter as he sleeps.

When he awakens, he finds himself in the middle of a large field in Newcrest.

“Creator…what the plum is going on???”

(Uh…er…well…you might want to sit down for this news, Hunter. Just saying.)

He glares up at me. “Where am I? What’s going on? And why does my hair feel like I’ve been sleeping for years like Rip Van Winkle?”

(Heh…heh…well, that’s because you HAVE! You see, I kind of dropped the ball on your previous world. Literally. And now I had to make you a whole new one. But don’t worry, you’re still the same dumb, idiotic, stupid, lame, weird, goofy, evil…)

“I get it, Creator. So where am I?”

(You’re in Newcrest like always except you have no home, no job, no henchmen, and you only have 22,000 simoleons to your name.)

Hunter closes his eyes in shock.

“Mommy, is Dad a moron or something?” Hunter’s son, Zolnax asks. “Why does he look like he’s about to fall over?”

Keira answers, “Do not worry, my little red plumbob, he always looks like that. I will take care of you.”

Hunter surveys his family. “Creator…what’s with the rugrat? I NEVER remembered having one.”

(He’s your son, of course! You and Keira birthed him in your last world. Here’s a pic of you freaking out when Keira went into labor. I had to stop you from running into a wall. You may thank me later.)

(And here’s solid proof that you were so proud to have a son. See? You’re showing him off to me.)

(And look! Zolnax is definitely your spawn. He’s evil and everything!)

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

(Well sure! Evil sims know how to handle evil sims. I thought you’d be happy.)

“I’m not. I had my life all figured out. I was going to conquer the world with my delicious evil plans. Then have a child. I don’t need little sticky fingered kids to get in my way.”

(Okay, fine. I get that this is all new to you, but I promise, you’ll get used to it. I even went above and beyond in placing a new home for you that won’t cost too much to maintain.)

Hunter arches an eyebrow when I whisk him and his family to Glimmerbrook. “That does not look like a home I’d ever live in. Honestly, Creator, do you think my middle name is Domesticated?”

(I know it needs a little work, but I redecorated it to suit you. Just go inside before you gripe at me!)

When Zolnax took one look in the living room, he whispered, “Wicked.”

“That’s definitely my son, all right.” Hunter scoops Zolnax into his arms.

(Glad you’re embracing fatherhood so quickly, Hunter. See? It’s not so bad.)

“What’s THAT contraption?” Hunter asks, surveying the science lab in his living room.

(Just a little something to help Zolnax with his homework. He has an affinity for science like his grandpa Divan.)

“What is this hovel you’ve moved us into, Hunter?” Keira whines. “I expected us to move up not…down.”

Hunter wipes his sweaty palms on his pants. “We won’t stay here for long, I promise.”

Keira sits next to Hunter.

His heartbeat quickens. “Am I going to get lucky so soon, Creator?” he says in his head. “Usually, I have to get down on my hands and knees first!”

Hunter laughs and says to his wife, “Why don’t we check out the bedroom, my sweet cowplant. I’m sure Creator gave us a nice, springy bed.”

Keira giggles along with Hunter.

Looking deeply into his eyes, she answers, “As soon as you make a million simoleons. Until then, may your manhood wilt and your desire grow cold.”

(Ouch.)

With that, she stomps up the stairs.

(Sorry, Hunter. I did try to tell you to dump her when she first arrived, but now that you have a kid, I can’t condone it.)

Clucking his tongue, Hunter says, “Well, there’s just one thing to do.”

(What’s that?)

“I’ve got to make money!”

(That’s the spirit! But to be fair, it’s going to take you a LOOOOONG time to raise a million. Your dad never did that his whole life. I’m sure Keira will simmer down once she gets used to the idea of poverty. After all, she used to like to sleep with you all the time even though she hated your guts.)

But Hunter isn’t listening to me. He’s just clicking away at the computer.

Up pops a list of odd jobs.

(I like your initiative, Hunter. Those jobs pay a lot, too! You’ll only have to work 23,000 hours to make that million! ***shakes head***)

Then he clicks on one.

(In need of waxing? Sounds dirty, Hunter. I think Keira wouldn’t like you doing that.)

Hunter chuckles. “Need I remind you of something, Creator? I have an aspiration to conquer. That woman looks like she could help me.” He grins up at me with his father’s cheesy smile.

(Bad idea, Hunter. Cheating is not the way to go. You can go on two dates with Keira! And besides, you don’t have the skills for this job. You need a handiness level of 4.)

(But you have zilch!)

“That’s just a recommendation. You know I always come out on top, and I’ll have a couple of dates with her on the side. Easy peasy.”

(Hunter, I know you’re evil, but cheating is just not the way to go. If you’re having trouble in your marriage, I know a good therapist who could help.)

“Is that buzzing in my ear? Or an annoying mosquito? Either way, I’m not listening!”

(Huh boy.)