Chapter 2.5

Levi gets a text from Jaina-the-no-brainer.

(Like he’s going to date you again. You’re jailbait, sista!)

So exhausted from partying all night, the new young adult drops on the sofa in the bathroom. And Medusa doesn’t even realize he’s there!

(Poor boy can’t smell a thing! Blecch!)

(Okay, Hunter, what’s up with this new look?)

“What, Creator? I just don’t have my hair in a manbun. No difference.”

(You look like you should be on the cover of Brawny paper towels.)

“Is that a good thing?”

(Um…yeah! Sure…)

Smiling, he says, “Well, thank you, Creator! I don’t know why you’re being so nice to me today, but I’ll take it.”

(Well, I can see into the future, and let me say…you might be hit with a little sadness is all…)

“Huh?”

(Ah…just go to work, okay?)

“Fine.” Hunter wanders into work to find a new painting at the back of the bar.

“If that isn’t the ugliest, saddest, sorriest excuse for office decor I’ve ever seen in my entire tragic life, I…”

Feelings of sadness drip over Hunter like pelting raindrops in a thunderstorm.

(I SAID) Feelings of sadness drip over Hunter like pelting raindrops in a thunderstorm!

(Hunter! Why aren’t you sad? You’re not doing what the prompts are directing. That painting is supposed to make you upset!)

“I know, Creator, but whenever something bad happens to another person, including myself, it makes me happy!”

(**slaps head** Evil sims.)

“And since I’m in such a joyous mood, I think I’ll bother Buzzard.”

He walks over to Buzz Landgraab who happens to be working in a den of thieves right along with Hunter. Seems they both are in the criminal job path. “Hello, Buzzkill. I thought I smelled something putrid emanating from your workstation. How is the mundane paper pushing coming along?”

Buzz laughs evilly and says nothing.

“Rat got your tongue? Pity. I was hoping for a pithy retort. You’re no fun today.”

A new recruit slides up to Hunter and laughs with Buzz.

“What’s so funny, Max,” Hunter asks.

“Dude, I heard you were getting promoted today.”

“I am? Wow. A promotion! See, Buzzard, what happens when you work hard?” He twirls his goatee.

“Tell what Ratfink is doing, Max,” Buzz says.

“Oh, yeah, like you’re going to be a thief.”

Hunter’s eyes light up like a kid on Christmas. “Really? Oh, boy. I can see the headlines now: Hunter the Incredible Steals $1 Million Dollar Diamond. News at 11.”

“Um, like naw…boss says you’re to steal all the homeless people’s money trays. Seems he wants to clean up…I mean…clean OUT the streets.”

Buzz laughs even louder.

Hunter cracks his knuckles. “Well, a thief’s gotta start somewhere.”

(**howls with laughter**)

“Shut up, Creator.”

(What? I thought you weren’t fazed by this news.)

Grumbling, Hunter lays into the punching bag.

(Cheer up, Hunter. Maybe you can mug little old ladies next!)

“Creator, see this bag? It’s your face.”

POW!

(I love you, too, son.)

When Hunter gets home, news of his amazing rise to power flashes in pixels.

(Hey, hey! You’re getting a whole $4 raise! Let’s celebrate! You can now buy…er…a new toothbrush with your earnings. I’d say your plan to take over the world is almost funded in full!)

“Did you not hear me when I told you to shut up, Creator?”

(I tend to ignore you, so no.)

“Anyway, I don’t need my boss and his pathetic crime organization to help me along. I’ve got this all under control.”

(You do, huh? You know it’s funny…I’m not worried. In the past, I’d freak out when you were little and you’d say stuff like this, but knowing you…well…there’s nothing to worry about.)

Hunter glares. “I’ll show you!” He taps on the computer and up flashes a box.

(So?)

“So…so there! Me and the Menacing Marauders are going on a stake out in Newcrest. The banks should all worry their large coffers off!”

(Hmm…from what I see here, all you’ll be doing is fart and play video games. Sounds like your typical guys night out.)

Quickly, he changes the club parameters.

One by one, the organization meets, shaking hands and swapping henchman outfits.

“Everyone here?” Hunter asks. “Good. Now let’s get down to business.”

That is until Medusa walks in. “Hunter the Lecherous, why was I not notified that you were having a meeting? You know it’s strictly forbidden for you to have a guys night out!”

Max in the sunglasses says, “What’s up with the chick with the scary eyes, man?”

Hunter smiles nervously. “That would be my wife, so if you boys could take this in the basement, I’d be very…”

Medusa pulls Hunter aside. “Have them out in five minutes or you will be cock blocked for a month!”

(Man…that’s harsh, Hunter. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…)

Pulling at his collar, Hunter says, “Out! Now! Everyone to the door this instant!”

Grumbling, the Menacing Marauders are unceremoniously kicked out of the house.

(Way to go, Hunter the Wimp. I think the Newcrest banks are safe.)

“Creator?”

(Yes.)

“I hate you.”

(I’m starting to like your wife.)

Hunter cries in his bed, hiding behind his henchman glasses.