Chapter 2.4

“That was malicious of you to wake me up, Creator!”

(Sorry, Hunter, but the garden was dying! That’s your only source of income since that witch stole all your money.)

“How did my father survive? I don’t even remember him lifting a finger.”

(Well, uh, you know your father.)

Hunter puts his hands on his hips and taps his foot. “Creator…you know something… Spill!”

(Sigh…oh okay, if you must know, he used a group called the Garden Slaves and…)

He flings out a hand. “Say no more! I’ll call them at once!” With a few clicks on his phone and several minutes later, his garden is filled with women toiling away.

(Well, at least they’re dressed decently. What your father used to make them wear…yeesh!)

After they leave, the garden sparkles and Hunter crashes inside on his bed.

The next day, Levi comes home from school depressed.

Dressed in his bathrobe, Hunter meets him outside. “What’s wrong, buddy?”

“I don’t know. None of the chicks at school will even glance my way. And then I look at you and think, what am I doing wrong? I’m way better looking and smarter and cooler. I don’t get it.”

“Ah but I have something you don’t!”

“What’s that?”

“A wishing well!”

(**Slaps head** Please, for the love of all that’s sane, Hunter! DON’T ALLOW HIM TO USE IT!)

“Creator, you don’t understand. It’s a marvel!”

Levi asks, “Are you sure it works?”

Hunter’s face gets a maniacal gleam. “Is my lady hot or is she hot, my dear brother?”

“She’s smokin’!”

“Enough said. Now run along. I have baby making in my future.”

(Oh no you don’t. Keira said she had a headache.)

Hunter glares at me then tugs his robe tighter and waltzes back into the house as if he has a lusty woman waiting on him. (Which he doesn’t.)

Sometime later, Hunter stumbles out of the bedroom to the outside.

“For one moment, Creator, can’t you be on my side?”

(What? Keira doesn’t want you?)

“No. She hurled socks at me when I entered our love abode. Said if I didn’t have the decency to keep our nest clean she wouldn’t have the decency to send me to nirvana. It just isn’t fair.”

(I think it’s simple. DUMP HER!)

“You’re no fun.”

(Sigh.)

In the meantime, Levi is out back about to throw a coin in the well.

(NO, LEVI! DON’T DO IT! Ugh…he can’t hear me…)

Instantly, the evil well spits sparks from its maw.

(Sigh…I wonder who we’re going to get now. Maleficent?)

But something strange happens. Instead of black smoke, a woman appears in swirly pink clouds with steamy hearts whipping around her frame.

“Ah, here she comes now,” Levi coos.

When the smoke clears, the girl says, “Like, hi, I’m Jaina and I think I’m your girlfriend?” She chomps her bubblegum, making popping noises.

Mesmerized, all Levi can sputter is, “Yeah…girlfriend…wow…”

“So like do you got a computer or something? I need to check my instagram. My phone like died?”

Snapping out of his zen-like state, Levi says, “Uh sure. It’s right inside the front door to the left.”

“Thank you!” She pecks him on the cheek and waves her fingers.

(I don’t like the sound of this. Where’s Hunter?)

(Oh crud. He finally talked Medusa into sleeping with him. Grr…)

“So, like Levi…do you have a charger around here?”

(Well, the girl is two bricks shy…or make that a few tons shy of a full load, but at least she’s not cleaning their cash out through hacking. This could work.)

As the two lovebirds do what all teens these days do (side by side comp time), Levi gets a message from his sister.

When the two arrive, Levi introduces Jaina to his sister. “Whoa, Levi! I never knew you had it in you! Nice to meet you, Jaina.”

“W-What do you think, Jaina? Should we go in? I don’t like the idea of aliens.”

Jaina giggles. “Like you don’t really believe in aliens do you, silly? Just stick with me. I’ve got a fake id. I’ll buy us some juice.”

(**Rolls eyes** I was wrong. Nothing good can come from that well.)

When they enter, Jaina instantly dances leaving Levi alone to speak with the locals.

“Greetings, man-boy. My name is Mot. Would you desire a cold beverage?”

“Are you the waiter?”

“No, I am a patron of this fine establishment.”

“A pa-wha at this fine whosit?”

(**Smack** And I thought Hunter was clueless. Egad.)

Sitting next to a man with a long beard, Levi tries to ward off the strange sensation that there’s a flying saucer hovering over the bar.

“Are you here to find the aliens, too?” Longbeard asks.

“Aliens? According to my girlfriend, there’s no such thing. I’m just here for the drinks.”

“You underaged punk! Who do you think you are? Of course there’s aliens. Why do you think all of these people are here on a Monday? Get out of my face before I make mincemeat out of yours.”

“All right! Gosh…keep your panties on, old man.”

(Oh, where are you, Hunter? Your brother needs you!)

Instantly, I force Hunter to arrive at the scene.

He isn’t happy.

“This better be good, Creator. Keira was complimenting me on how much she likes it how I’m not obsessed with how long we take in the sack.”

(Oh please don’t share gory woohoo details with me, Hunter. This is serious. Your brother is about to get pummeled by a scary guy with a beard as long as Rip Van Winkle.)

“All right, Creator. I’ll handle this.”

Immediately, Hunter heads for the stove.

(What are you doing? The guys about to go ape crazy on your poor little brother!)

“Don’t worry! I’ve got this all under control.”

After what seemed like hours, Hunter unveils a chocolate cake complete with candles and before long, everyone in the place is shouting and celebrating Levi’s birthday.

Which solves the problem as Longbeard takes off.

(Wow, Hunter. That was amazing! I hate to say this but that was sheer genius creating a diversion like that. And you know what else is amazing?)

“What, Creator?”

(Levi is too old for dolt-for-brains-Jaina. That problem is solved as well!)

Hunter shines his fingernails on his chest shooting me a cheesier grin than Divan ever gave. “I try, Creator, I try. Tell me I’m a genius again?”

(No.)