Chapter Fifteen

Levi has his priorities straight. Work out those muscles. I hope he’s not like his brother and only thinks about girls, chicks, and babes.

Once Levi’s finished, he gets this crazy confident look on his face.

(I don’t know, but that look creeps me out. It reminds me of Hunter. And the thought of having TWO of them is SCARY!)

When Hunter enters the kitchen, he high fives his brother after they watch a video of people playing a video game that runs over grandmothers and little kids called Hit and Run.

(Egad! I DO have two of them!)

Hunter is so happy to have a partner in crime, he smiles excitedly. “I’ll run by our itinerary for the five finger discount at the juice store later.” Cracking his knuckles, he skips upstairs to his room.

When Hunter leaves, Kaila exclaims, “I thought I told you to stay away from your brother. Two of you in jail would break my heart!”

Shocked, Levi says, “I could never stay away from my brother. He’s my friend.”

“But he just asked you to help him steal things at the juice store.”

Getting up to help himself to seconds, Levi says, “But you misunderstand my intentions. How am I going to foil his plans if I don’t know what he’s up to?”

“So, you’re not going to help him steal things?”

“Of course not! But I won’t tell him what I’m doing.”

Taking a bite of lobster, he adds, “And by the way, Mother. I will be in need of my own costume. Preferably one with a large S on the front with a cape and some rubber booties.”

“Huh boy,” Kaila sighs. “I need a drink.”

Later, Divan enters the kitchen to make more entrees. I tell you. This family eats and eats and EATS!!

“Lindsey…” Divan says in a voice like a father who’s caught his kid with his hand in the cookie jar. “What did I tell you about cooking your own food?”

“That I can’t.”

“Yes…ANNND?”

“And that I will constantly throw up if I eat any of the disgusting debris I think I can make.”

“Yes, now go throw that gross glop away.”

Next, Divan whips up some blackened tuna, whistling as he works.

(What’s got you in such a good mood?)

“Do you know what is going to happen next week?”

(Um. No. I don’t.)

“Hunter will officially be a young adult and I can hand YOU off to him. I can’t WAIT! No offense.” He shoots me his cheesy grin.

(How can that possibly offend me? Now, I have some news for YOU! I may not make Hunter the heir. Levi is showing some awesome possibilities.)

“You wouldn’t dare. That means I’ll have to wait YEARS!!!”

(***grins wickedly***)

Divan shakes his head then waltzes over to the island to eat.

(Why are you smiling, Divan?)

“Oh, nothing, Creator.” He takes a bite of his food.

(Come on…you can’t fool me. I know you’re thinking of something that I’m not going to like.)

“Let’s just say, it’s a surprise.”

(Ugh. I don’t like your surprises.)

But all Divan does is laugh even harder.

(Divan? What is this I found on your computer?)

“My little surprise.” He finishes his bite of supper and says, “Ah…I believe that is the doorbell.”

(You know it’s against the rules for all this help! You’re the TH. YOU are supposed to be working your fingers to the bone while your dimwitted family pees themselves, starves, and fails by passing out. I haven’t seen one passout in AGES!)

Wiping his mouth, Divan says, “And well, I can’t help you with any of those little problems. After all, you created me—a masterminded genius. Now if you don’t mind, I have a club meeting.”

(You mean slave meeting! **steam curls out of my ears**)

“Welcome club members,” Divan says to his entourage. “Just wanted to say thank you for coming. A little bit about the house—feel free to focus on the nasty toilets, fixing the computers and televisions and don’t forget the biggest no no around here—no breaks. That means no sleeping, eating, or juicing.”

“Blah, blah, blah,” says one of the maidservants. “Can we get on with this already. I’m DYING to check out these digs.”

Hunter glares. “Father, you told me I could use them for my own devices not be your personal maids.”

Waving his arms, Divan answers, “In time, son. Once I’m finished with them, you can do with them as you wish.”

“Still gabbing. Let’s get on with this meeting!” One of the blondes says.

(Divan, why are the women dressed like that while the men look like butlers?)

“I thought you’d be happy, Creator. At least they’re dressed.”

(They’re in pink sexist clothing. You really are a chauvinist.)

Shining his nails on his chest, he smirks. “I try.”

(Well, it looks to me as if you’ve chosen the prettiest women in town to be your maids. I wonder what Kaila will say.)

“Just leave her to me.”

(**eye roll**)

When Divan enters the kitchen, as I predicted, Kaila is not happy. “What is the meaning of all these women descending on our house?”

Giving her his ultimate innocent act, Divan asks, “What? I thought you’d be happy. This place is getting gross and we needed some help.”

Pulling her to her feet, he embraces her, whispering, “I wouldn’t want my Cuddle Muffins to get a hang nail by mopping the floors. Now why don’t we use this extra time for some playtime upstairs.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “I’ll meet you in a minute.” He slaps her fanny.

Giggling, Kaila hurries upstairs.

(**shakes head** Smooth. I don’t know why I ever underestimated you, Divan. But you need to thank me because Kaila is about as dim as a burnt out lightbulb.)

“I didn’t thank you, Creator? Well, now I will. And while I’m at it, I think I’ll get acquainted with the…guests.”

He saunters over to one of the prettiest women. “I don’t believe I got your name.”

(Divan…Kaila is waiting! Why are you flirting with these women who are WAAAY younger than you?)

“Hey, just because I’m married doesn’t mean I can’t admire beauty. It’s like savoring a fine wine.”

(Um…yes it does…marriage means just that. You CANNOT SAMPLE ANYTHING ELSE ANYMORE! Now go to your wife before I force you to have another kid and make THEM the next heir!)

“Fine. I’ll go.”

(And while you’re at it, take her somewhere special. She deserves a treat to put up with someone like you!)

“You know you’ve become special to me, Creator.”

(I have?)

“Yes. As special as an irritating mosquito who keeps biting me on the leg.”

(I will ignore that statement. Now GO!)

None of the maids did any of the work Divan had hoped for so poor Kaila is forced to clean the house. With a smile on her face.

Whisking Kaila away to the mall on a cliff, Kaila is thrilled and kisses him. “Oh, you are the best husband in the whole world!”

(Little does she know how untrue that statement is.)

“Shut up, Creator,” Divan says in his head. “You’re ruining this moment.”

(I’ve just saved you from a humiliating divorce. A little gratitude is in order.)

“Creator, the only gratitude you’ll get is the day you GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”

(I love you, too, Divan. **kiss**)