On Christmas Eve, the kids have no clue where to sleep.
Hunter crashes here.
Lindsey doesn’t realize it’s bedtime, so she ambles outside.
Clearly she’s tired, but look at her face!
She takes a circular path around the house only to end up going to the back door where Levi is snoring in the hot tub, too (the bed of choice around here!)
Yay! She finds pay dirt!
Hunter also makes his way to the boys’ room, napping on an actual bed.
But is Lindsey done for the night?
Thinking she hears Santa, she waltzes into the forest and…
I find Divan in the proper bed, so I decide not to wake him to actually sleep instead of nap.
Kaila can’t sleep either, so she decides to read (in the dark.)
“And so…the kids weren’t quick enough to save Frosty. He melts into a puddle of water before their very eyes.” She looks at the unblinking snowman in front of her. “Sorry, snow guy. It’s not going to end very well for you…”
The following morning, after all the presents are opened, Divan and Levi dance to holiday music.
(Divan, why are you wearing underwear? Didn’t you get some Christmas jammies?)
“Yes, Creator, but they’re itchy. Besides, pink is my best color. Brings out my smolder and I plan on using it on Kaila once she wakes up.”
(Sigh…your brain never wanders too far away from the bedroom, does it, Divan?)
“Hey, I didn’t get all these kids by twiddling my thumbs.” He winks at me.
Later, I find Divan playing video games on the computer and he STILL is in his undies!
(Divan! Get dressed! The maid is here. After that party, the house is a wreck!)
“Not now, Creator. I’m in the middle of a huge boss!”
“Oh plum! See what you made me do? My hero just got eaten by the five-headed alien. And it wasn’t pretty. Blood and guts EVERYWHERE!”
(Just go let the poor NPC in. Geesh. It’s cold outside!)
“Nag, nag. You do realize I have a wife for that.”
Sighing, Divan goes to the door and lets the woman in.
“Ugh. It stinks worse than I thought in here,” Divan groans. “What is that smell?”
(All the people you had over to help you with your little party kept eating and leaving dirty dishes all over the place. The cook was so bad, she kept starting and restarting about ten different dishes. Go look at the dining room table. It’s sad.)
Levi gets a bowl of yogurt since there isn’t a decent dish in the house.
(And your wife is still in her party clothes. She didn’t sleep at all last night!)
Finally, Kaila cleans out the trash can, trying to tidy up.
(Divan, why do you let your wife clean up when you’re paying someone to do it?)
“I don’t know. She likes cleaning. I thought you liked that about her.”
(Not when your funds are dwindling and you’re paying people to NOT do their jobs. Do you realize what this little vacation is costing you? You’ll have to work overtime in that garden of yours to pay for it.)
Divan waves a fork at me as he scrapes one of the many plates dotting the dining room. “I’ve got that all under control, Creator. Stop worrying.”
(Divan! **snaps fingers** Quick! There’s the maid! Why is she just sitting around and not cleaning?! DO SOMETHING!)
“Oh, all right,” Divan answers. “But just so you know, you drove me to this.”
(Drove you to what?)
“Hey, snuggiewumpums, rest your pretty little hands. Your knight in comfy sweater is here to rescue you.”
He leans in, whispering in a sultry voice, “And when I’m done, meet me in our bedroom…because I KNOW you’ll want to properly thank me.”
(Divan. You’re just…so…so…)
“Handsome? Charming? Smart? The most brilliant amazingly gorgeous person you’ve ever created in your entire life?”
(No…I was thinking…predictable.)
“Aw, Creator, you wound me.” He whisks his laser gun out. “But you are going to take back all those mean things you think and say about me once you see how resourceful I am.”
(What are you planning to do? **cringe**)
With an evil gleam in his eye, Divan blasts the maid.
Divan chants in a robotic way, “You. Will. Clean.”
The maid repeats, “I. Will. Clean.”
She pushes on her temples as though she’s in pain.
Numbers swirl around her head as she spontaneously starts to clean!
“What do you think about that, Creator?”
(I think Hunter is rubbing off on you.)
He raises his arms and laughs maniacally, “Muahahahahaaaa!”
(Huh boy. Now I KNOW he’s rubbed off on you. Sigh…)