Chapter Eight

To get the family’s mind off of total world domination, I make a suggestion.

(Divan, there’s a new Christmas park opening today. You’ve got a three-day weekend. It’s time to get the fam out of the house. They’re turning into…well…nerds.)

“Egad!” Divan curses.

Instantly, he hurries all of them out the door and arrives at Christmas Town.

Kaila does what any average Sim-wife would do.

SHOP!

She got Divan a sweater, too.

(You don’t look very diabolical in that outfit, Divan! **snicker**)

“Was that an annoying mosquito in my ear?” Divan asks, walking into a store.

(Whatever. You know I’m right.)

Hunter saunters into a game room and his eyes get all glassy. He mumbles, “Pink. Girl. Pretty.”

(That’s not a girl. That’s Vicki and she’s old enough to be your mom!)

But Hunter can’t hear me yet. (Yes, I’ve decided to choose him as heir since he’s bent on being evil and taking over Willow Creek. I need to take control!)

Here, Hunter shows his new friend a simtube video of How to Earn a Million Simoleons Using Threats by thebrothersfiendish. “So, you want to be my sidekick?”

(**smacks head**)

“Hey, little buddy, how about you come with me?” Hunter says to a boy mannequin. “I have the perfect job for you.”

“You see, you just dance like this and all the girls will come flocking to you!” Hunter explains, dancing in front of the immobile statue. “Then you can grab ‘em and hide them in my lair while I write the ransom note.”

“Dude,” a teen whispers to Hunter. “You know it’s not real. Right?”

“Go away, you peon,” Hunter huffs. “I’m working.”

The teen laughs. “On what? Your ticket to the funny farm?”

Hunter rolls his eyes. “Underling. For your information, my schemes definitely are not funny and have nothing to do with barnyard animals.”

The teen just shakes his head, throwing up his arms.

(Well, I guess Hunter isn’t going to be making many friends.)

Satisfied that he’s recruited a few minions, Hunter goes to the bar and orders a bowl of cereal.

“I wonder if Darth Vader likes a nice bowl of Fruit Bloopies,” Hunter muses. “Evil super villains must get sustenance, too.”
While Hunter is thinking about the kind of food Doctor Doom might eat for lunch, a cute teen girl who is working at the bar waves at him and says, “Call me, ‘kay?”

But he’s too busy chatting up the little girl next to him. “So that’s how I’m going to conquer Willow Creek. Are you in?”

“Just call me Munchkin Minion,” the girl says, grinning. “Now I want that thousand dollars all in quarters. I’ve got a hot date with a video game at the arcade room in five.”

Meanwhile, Kaila is setting one of the buildings on fire.

**Wtf??? 👀**

To avoid total annihilation of this family, I whisk them home.

“Hey, Creator, what’s the deal?” Divan asks. “I thought you were going to let us have some fun at Christmas town?”

(If I let your family have their way, there wouldn’t be anything left of Christmas town. Now Kaila needs you. Her hand is swollen from the fire.)

“Fire?”

(Nevermind.)

So, Divan shrugs and makes his family some omelets. Sitting at the counter, Divan asks, “How do you like it, my little chipmunk?”

“It’s the biggest omelet I’ve ever seen!”

Divan shoots her a kiss.

“No, THIS is the biggest omelet you’ve ever seen.” He pumps his bicep like a body builder.

“Ooooh,” Kaila squeals. “Me likey!”

(Why am I shocked? 👀)

“Take that, Creator. She likey!”

(Um…I just threw up in my mouth. 🙄)

Meanwhile, Hunter is doing the same thing, only he’s texting that teen girl he met earlier. On the toilet!

(Really? 😐)

This family can’t get any weirder.

“I wonder if The Green Goblin takes green poops,” Hunter says, smiling.

Well, maybe it can.

Follow this story on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr.