Chapter Five

Divan decides he’s neglected his wife long enough and asks her on a date.

(Ahem…DIVAN! This is a PG-13 story. What ARE you doing???)

He leers up at me and says, “Serves you right for peeking, Creator.”

***Wipes face in frustration as steam hisses out of my ears***

Divan then tantalizes his date about the finer points of fast food. “And don’t get me started about dipping fries in chocolate shakes. YUM!”

Kaila seems thoroughly interested. These two are definitely made for each other.

When they arrive home, Kaila goes into labor.

Is Divan worried?

Just look at his cheesy grin in the mirror. Nothing fazes him.

“I’m just liking the view. Pregnant women are sexxxxy!”

(Um…I did NOT need to hear that, Divan.)

“Then get out of my head, Creator.”

***glares***

And not one but two babies are born!

Meet little Levi and Lindsey Rex.

Divan immediately goes to help.

(No, Divan, you cannot transform these babies into milkshakes. Now get back to your fatherly duties!)

After the babies are born, the house is a filthy mess, so Brianna cleans. “When can I ever have fun? It’s all work, work, work!” she whines.

So she drops the plate at her feet and goes into the kids bedroom to play blicblock 24-7 like she always does.

Kaila is so happy to have those two monsters from pummeling her belly, she decides to make a drink.

I mean, drinks. And then she leaves them there and trots off to troll teh forums.

(I don’t get sim behavior at all.)

Yay! It’s time for the babies to sparkle into kids.

First Lindsey.

And then Levi.

(Divan, why are you always running around in your underwear?)

“Cuz my snuggiemuffins likes me like this.”

(Okay, TMI…)

“You asked, Creator.”

(Sigh)

That night, the happy little family ate all together in the dining area. A first!

But before Divan could wash any dishes…

Fail.

(Divan! You’re failing more than your family who I can’t control! What is up?)

Lazily looking at me, he says, “It’s because you make me a slave to that dangblasted crop out there. I can’t keep this up, Creator!”

(Stop whining already. It’s because of me that you live waaaaay better than most sims at your level. No first gen legacy ever lives in houses like these. Now get outside and weed!)

Oops. I think I pushed him too hard.

***groan***

“OMG, my family is made up of a bunch of losers,” Brianna mumbles to herself as she looks at her dad, nose planted in the shrubbery.

(That’s not a very nice thing to say.)

But she can’t hear me. Just as well. Her YA birthday is tonight and danged if I’m going to make her the heir. She’s a bit on the mean side.

They all have a very nice time at a museum for Brianna’s birthday, but unfortunately, I forgot to get any shots of it but this one.

Divan stares, saying in a monotone voice, “Mmm….cake…yummy…”

(Doesn’t take much to make him happy.)

“You do realize I hear everything you say, Creator.”

(Um, yeah. Actually, I do.)

“You’re officially on ignore,” he declares, pointing up at me.

(Go ahead. Try. I dare you.)

He shakes his head and spins home.

Only it isn’t the home he’s left.

(Surprise! All your hard work has paid off, Divan! Welcome to your new uptown digs!)

Looking around, Divan smiles. “You’ve outdone yourself, Creator!”

(So…you’re talking to me now? I thought so. Oh, Divan! Your kids! They’re about to have a pee failure! Get them in the house!)

Avoiding his pee failure, Hunter takes a bath only to…

FAIL!

“My, this is a gorgeous home!” Kaila says, inspecting the modern kitchen. “But I wonder where my husband is?”

(He’s out in the backyard, tending the garden. After all, money doesn’t grow on trees…well, in this case, maybe it does!)

(So, you’re happily gardening now, Divan?)

“You know what they say…happy wife, happy life!”

(Good. Glad you’re finally making sense and seeing things my way!)

But before I could finish my sentence, Divan disappears and all I could get of him was a few green sparkles!

(Wha???)

I look up to see the culprit.

Many moments later…

(Um…are you all right, Divan?)

Glaring, he asks, “So WHERE do these plants come from anyway?”

(Weeell…heh…um….)

“Don’t talk to me ever again. That was just…embarrassing…”

(But, Divan, Kaila is waiting for you in the house and I think she wants to thank you for making all her dreams come true.)

“Really?”

(YES! Move!)

Divan’s simple brain goes into full tilt male hormone. We won’t see him for a while.

Well, he finds Kaila right away and speaks sweet love sonnets to her.

“How about you and me and the bed makes three?”

“Oh, Divan, you say the sweetest things,” Kaila coos.

(Doesn’t take much, does it?)

“She’s been falling for this smolder since high school,” Divan says to me in his head as he laser beams his eyes on her.

(Ugh…how long till one of your kids ages up? I think the cheese is getting a little too much. Even for me.)

“You only have yourself to blame. You created me.”

(Please don’t remind me, Divan…)

“Come on, you hunk of man you!” Kaila waves a finger toward her as she struts up the stairs to the boudoir.

But poor Divan, after all the UFO dealings can’t seem to make it to the room.

It’s just…yup.

FAIL!

Lindsey knocks him on the head. “Daddy? Daddy???”

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