The next day, Divan goes to another bar, determined to find a wife. Or at least someone who wouldn’t slap his face, throw drinks at him, or treat him like he smelled like a wet dog who’d just got into a fight with a skunk.
(I snap my fingers at him. There’s the PERFECT girl! Out back. Quick! She might get away.)
Divan rushes outside, only to find Kaila staring at the pool, looking like she was deciding whether to go in her clothes or not.
He wrinkles his nose. “Really? Kaila? She won’t even speak to me.”
(I think she’ll change her mind. Just be a little more subtle. Gentle is the key here.)
He shrugs then goes over to Kaila and says, “So…where were we? Oh yes, your place or mine?” He wiggles his eyebrows and leans in for a kiss.
Instantly, she shoots her hand out, disgusted.
(Okay, this calls for drastic measures because Divan is obviously a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Oy. So, I plant some love lamps around, setting the mood. I don’t care if it’s against some sort of rule. He needs help!)
And what do you know? Kaila lets him smack a sloppy kiss on her even though her eyes pop almost outside of her head in shock.
But he’s not finished. He moves in, drawing her close to him and it’s like all the memories of treachery and pain vanish with the flutter of his beautiful eyelashes. She is his.
They kiss for so long, Divan starts thinking about improving his manly looks.
(Okay, okay…you’ve got her, Divan. Now don’t waste anymore time. Her meter is at high octane PINK. Ask her to marry you!)
He doesn’t even protest (which is a first, I might add). Pulling her into the bar (I guess so he can have a few witnesses so she can’t back out when the love lamps’ effects are gone,) he drops on one knee.
“Sweet cheeks, would you be my cuddle muffin, forever and ever and let me be the daddy of your sweet daughter so I can get on with this…er…whatever it is?” He glances at me, rolling his eyes for a second, and then slaps on a sweet smile for Kaila.
She puts on the diamond ring and says, “Of course, Snuggie woogems, I will. By the way, YOU are the true deadbeat father of my daughter. And if you EVER stray again, I will cut off your tinkle bits and feed them to you for supper.” She flashes a fierce grin and bats her eyelashes.
“Yipes!” he whines in his head at me all the while smiling like this is the best day of his life.
(Weeell, this is getting off to a wondrous start, I must say!)
Divan decides not to waste another minute (especially because if he remains single for much longer, he knows he’s more prone to wander off the faithful path), so they plan their wedding.
Kaila looks lovely in a black dress (I hope that’s not an omen to come) and Divan is dashing as always in a tux.
And then the moment we’ve all been waiting for happens! The nuptials.
“Kaila, thank you for putting up with my antics and giving this another shot. I promise to guide you to food, help you with laundry, and feed the babies in the middle of the night even without you asking.”
(He doesn’t even realize how true that will be!)
“And I promise, “ Kaila coos, “to…well, to survive as your wife and the mother of your many children.” She gives him the ring and Divan’s heart swells because he truly loves her and knows she’s been the only one he’s ever truly wanted ever since high school.
He gives her a sweet peck on the cheek and promises her more later.
Instead of a honeymoon, the two instant parents (well, instant for Divan, who had no idea he was a father already) went home and ate supper that Divan fixed. His daughter, Brianna, looked very much like him.
“I like this mystery meat, Daddy,” Brianna says, stuffing her mouth.
“So glad you’re eating without me having to call you to supper!” Divan says, still not understanding how truly wonderful this is!
Brianna picks up the dirty dishes and puts them into the dishwasher.
(I love this child!)
So without any dishes to clean, the two honeymooners quickly retire for the night.
And whip up enough sparks and feathers and dust to almost set the bedroom on fire.
(Whoa, Divan! Way to make your wife happy!)
As the two were making babies, Brianna aged up surprisingly!
She inherited her father’s active trait, so that means she’ll clean the house and stay in shape. I decided to make her a gym in the basement to help encourage fitness. Maybe someone will use it!
I couldn’t believe how much she looked like her mom.
So, I redecorated her room (and yes, with the money Kaila brought in, I moved them to a bigger house.)
Kaila uses the bathroom and discovers some wonderful news!
Celebrating the only way Divan knows how, he whispers in her ear, “Does my Yummy Gummy want her Chef of Love?”
The next day, it was back to the grindstone for Divan, but he likes his work and didn’t mind.
Unfortunately, his late night baby making made him fail miserably. So glad I’m not counting points. We haven’t even been a fam for one whole day and the TH is failing!
(***slams head on desk***)